I’m afraid even to write it down, for fear that doing so will make it true, but there is nothing else in my head just now. Flowers and birdsong and all of the natural world is fairly shouting about the goodness of life. And again this year I’m turning my back on the Spring that I’ve so waited to enjoy in order to tend to a bunny who is turning away from life.
It all feels very cruel and like some awful joke. That is my luck with these bunnies that I love so dearly. I told my husband the other day that there will be no more – I can’t stand the heartbreak and the helplessness of it. Feeling so powerless to do anything besides wait for what seems inevitable.
That something as innocuous as a hurt ankle should become this just 4 days later is inconceivable to me, but that’s the case. I won’t leave Cricket at the vet because I lost faith in the vet’s power to heal long ago and I won’t take her away from Boomer, not now. I won’t let her die alone or afraid. I’ve made that mistake with too many dear bunnies to do it again. If there's hope, it's here at home where she has known only love.
I expect that I’ll be away for a bit, but hope that she won’t suffer for long. Be hopeful please, when I can’t.
signs of Summer
1 day ago