Thursday, May 10, 2007

My heart upside down

I’m afraid even to write it down, for fear that doing so will make it true, but there is nothing else in my head just now. Flowers and birdsong and all of the natural world is fairly shouting about the goodness of life. And again this year I’m turning my back on the Spring that I’ve so waited to enjoy in order to tend to a bunny who is turning away from life.

It all feels very cruel and like some awful joke. That is my luck with these bunnies that I love so dearly. I told my husband the other day that there will be no more – I can’t stand the heartbreak and the helplessness of it. Feeling so powerless to do anything besides wait for what seems inevitable.

That something as innocuous as a hurt ankle should become this just 4 days later is inconceivable to me, but that’s the case. I won’t leave Cricket at the vet because I lost faith in the vet’s power to heal long ago and I won’t take her away from Boomer, not now. I won’t let her die alone or afraid. I’ve made that mistake with too many dear bunnies to do it again. If there's hope, it's here at home where she has known only love.

I expect that I’ll be away for a bit, but hope that she won’t suffer for long. Be hopeful please, when I can’t.

8 comments:

Mary said...

Laura, my heart aches for you, Cricket, your husband and Boomer. The possibility of losing a pet can cause sleepless nights. I hope she improves, surrounded by familiar faces and the love you give. I'm hopeful! Kiss her bunny fur for me.

Cathy said...

Oh Laura - tears are blurring these words. I know too well the heartache of worrying for our fur-kids. I'm so glad you brought her home. I too, have learned that lesson. I'm sending hope and a hug across the miles to that dear place you've made a home and refuge of love for these precious little souls.

Susan Gets Native said...

You are doing the right thing for Cricket, from what I have read here about bunnies and their tricky moods. Cricket will be way more comfortable with Boomer and you.
Hope to you, Laura.

bunnygirl said...

I'm so sorry. We love Cricket! Lots of hope and good wishes coming your way. And if it's just Cricket's time, we'll pray for a peaceful journey to the bridge.

But for now, we're hoping for the best. Tidbit sends her love.

z said...

Oh, my. I am so sorry. Some little ones just do not seem to be destined. It seems they can't deal with pain. They go into shock and that is all. Horses are the same way. And my last little dog was like that. so, I know what you are dealing with.
My sincerest sympathy.

Sandy said...

So very sorry, Laura.

KGMom said...

Oh Laura--it really does hurt so much when you have to say goodbye to a pet. But, the good thing is it will be you saying goodbye and not some stranger.
I really do understand not being able to stand the heartbreak. My husband and I said that--when a long loved dog died. And then we saw Tipper (current dog) and our resolve went out the window.
I'll be thinking of you--and hoping that maybe Cricket can recover, and if not that the leave taking is painless, as much as can be.

Larry said...

I'm very sorry to hear about this.I've always grown attatched to our pets as well.