It must be some sort of record that there's a tree in my house before December. It's only half-decorated, but I'm hoping early for some of the magic of the lights and baubles to improve what is lately a hard time of year for me.
At some point, the holidays became less about magic and hope and celebration and more about rushing around and obligations and ridiculous expectations. I feel terribly selfish for it, but I almost want to just skip the whole production.
Scandalous, I know.
The DH has had his radio tuned to the *24 hour-round-the-clock-make-you-insane-all-Christmas-music-all-the-time* radio station for two weeks now. I've growled at him often enough that he just quietly changes it to something less offensive in my presence. He reminded me the other day that we practically wore out a tape of favorite Christmas music on our honeymoon. Our Christmastime wedding, all hollyberries and seasonal cheer, guarantees that I should forever have the Christmas spirit, right?
I'm less confused by my change of heart than he, but can't easily explain the tarnish that's come over the season. There's a lot less innocent belief, less love for the ritual, less hope for the power of one day on the calendar to make things what we wish them to be.
What's left feels false. And forced. And not at all golden.
This horribly depressing post brought to you courtesy of days of rain and gray gloom. Rather than the twinkly lights of a Xmas tree... I think I may need a raging bonfire to improve my mood... or a short vacation to the tropics.
a return Visit
7 months ago